Are you finding relationships difficult?
Our deepest human need is for love and acceptance and connection. When our relationship needs are met it can be a source of joy, when things go wrong the pain can sometimes feel unbearable. No-one wants to feel stuck, whether thats stuck in a relationship that’s difficult or not working out or feeling frustrated and stuck trying to get into one.
How Can Life Coaching & EFT Help With Relationships?
We’ll look at romantic relationships first, because often relationship issues will motivate people to look for professional help. One reason for this is that the emotional pain that accompanies the problems we encounter in our romantic relationships can be so acute that when it’s going wrong it can really feel like the life is being sucked out of you. As I write this the lyrics of heartbreak songs like “The sun ain’t gonna shine anymore” pop into my mind. Equally painful and perhaps desperate making, is the feeling of being alone or rejected, when what you want more than anything is to be with a loving partner, sharing your lives and building a future together.
Both situations are highly emotionally charged and the emotional noise in our minds has the effect of blinding us to the choices that are available to us. The noise often makes the idea of choice seem meaningless and so we’ll feel powerless to change. Whereas it is true that we are powerless to change other people, the power to change ourselves can never be taken from us, it can only appear that way. Yes, it’s tempting and even seems logical to try to get the other person to change, but has this approach ever worked for you? The only thing we can change is the ways we respond to other people’s behaviour.
Help With Existing Relationships
When I work with couples I work with each person independently of the other. Relationships don’t get to breaking point overnight. Resentments, hurts, angers, disappointments build up on both sides and this emotion head noise clouds our ability to see things clearly. I’ll work with you to clear your mind so you can make better choices about how you manage the situation. You’ll both find healthier ways to communicate with each other and greater clarity about your own legitimate needs and what you want from the relationship. It maybe that you’ll find ways to continue in your relationship and to strengthen your bond. The opposite may also be true however, and you should be aware that the result of our work together could be that you choose to make changes that serve your wellbeing, but which might mean the relationship ends or changes so that you are no longer together in the same way as before. To be clear, there can be no guarantees where your process will lead you. To make claims to the contrary would be dishonest and misleading, however you can be assured that any decisions you make will be for your greater good and eventual happiness. This is the ultimate goal of our work together.
Help Finding A Suitable Partner
It can feel soul destroying to be searching for someone to share your life with. Internet dating and social media can be an emotional mine field and very misleading. Yes it looks like everyone in the digital world is having a great time, but when you get down to it you’ll find that real relationships in the real world aren’t as easy the the status updates make it look. If you’re looking for a partner we’ll start the processing of you attracting the right person for you by looking at the one relationship that really defines how the others turn out – your relationship with you. The person you’re looking for is looking for you, but, if they’re not showing up, you definitely have some emotional blocks getting in the way. It could be that you’ve been hurt in the past and are secretly afraid it will happen again. Maybe you’ve noticed patterns in your relationships. Do you pick people who seem really different at first, but then the same negative character traits emerge over time?
We’ll look at your past relationships and untangle to twists and knots that keep you recreating the past so that you’re free to attract the person who will really see you, and love you the way you truly deserve. You’d be surprised how many people secretly think they don’t deserve to be loved! These kinds of beliefs stem from relationships and incidents in the past. In fact the templates and patterns for our later romantic relationships are often influenced by the kinds of relationships that were modelled for us by our primary care givers and close family members. Together, you’ll make sense of these past influences, let them go and make new choices that lead to experiencing the kind of love and closeness that you really deserve.
Help With Non Romantic Relationships
Whether it’s trouble with your co-workers, your boss, friends or family, what’s true in all of these cases is that emotions are getting in the way of clear decision making and communication. The key to improving any relationship is to increase our own ability to respond to the situation, rather than reacting. By healing past hurts, angers, resentments, fears and traumas, you’ll increase your freedom to respond to others in ways that maintain your power and dignity and enforce healthy boundaries. Rather than waiting for others to change, your point of power is in stepping up and taking responsibility for the ways you relate to any situation, person or environment.
Find Out More
Generally I find that people have a fairly clear picture of what Life Coaching is, but know less about the many benefits of EFT. On this page I’ve talked a lot about healing the past, and EFT is my primary tool for helping you do this. To find out more about how EFT works along Life Coaching principles click on the link below. Also you’ll find a video on the video page my site where I also answer some frequently asked questions regarding EFT.